March 28, 2009

5 Years

I grew up as a relatively confused girl. I change my mind alot and normally I don't know what I want in life and what has it got installed for me. Nothing ever feels dead right for me and I have been sitting on the fence about everything ever since I started making decisions for myself.

I have, however, made 2 decisions in my life that I have no regrets for whatsoever. People often say to save the best for the last and so that's what I shall do. Many will think my first decision is nothing great because alot others out there shares it. I would however, like to treat it like I own it though I know I never will.

3 years ago, I began watching soccer. The then EPL, Champion's league, World Cup, Euro Cup etc..

And because of this man, I fell in love with the club.


His name is Steven Gerrard and the club I'm in love with and have been supporting ever since is none other than Liverpool FC. I believe there's no other club for me except for this one simply because this club has got amazing spirit and passion not just for the cup, but for the game they play as well.

I think if there's a chance that Liverpool will win the BPL, it will be this season because they are at their best. But no matter what the outcome is, I will stay with the club just like I know the man in the picture will. There are just so many chances that he could have left for a better club in Europe but he didn't. God knows how many clubs had offered an amount much larger than what Liverpool is paying him but still, he stayed.

He once said that if he's going to win the league cup, he'll want to win it with Liverpool FC. He could have won more than once with other clubs but he'll just be as happy if he won it once with Liverpool FC. This, I believe is his passion for the game. I have no right to judge but this is the difference between him and other players who club hop for the sake of fame and money. I envy him because he'd found the ultimate goal for his life and I sometimes wonder when will ever be my turn.

It is him and this club that got me thinking about my future, that I should pursue what I enjoy doing. I know I've made the right decision to stay with Liverpool FC no matter what and ultimately, they gave me the courage to quit my current job and go grab the chance I've been looking for.

********


This second decision, also the most important decision I've made in my life is rather personal. Five years ago, when I was in Secondary 3, I met this guy. Ok, not exactly met him because he's my classmate. LOL. Anyhoos, I got to know him. And after a coupla months of texting and movie-goings, we got together.

Seriously when we were together, I never thought it would last simply because I don't think I love him THEN. I kinda just like him and it was Secondary 3! How am I suppose to know what love feels like?! I thought it will end quickly just like my previous relationships. But surprisingly, it did not. The first year we were together, we fought like mad hyenas. For one reason or another, he was 3-timing me. I think at that moment, I stuck with him because like any other girls out there, I don't wanna lose him to another woman. You may call it Ego because that's what I think it was.

This was us during the 1st/2nd year of our relationship. I couldn't remember clearly whether it's the 1st or 2nd but I know that's the period we've been fighting and I've been crying almost everyday. That was when I started asking myself, if I didn't love him, why did it hurt so much when he texted the other woman? Why did I cry during the times we tried to break up with each other? More than a dozen of questions flashed through my mind and the only answer I have for them is I've fallen in love.

This was us 2 years ago, during the 3rd year of our relationship. This picture was taken in HongKong. I went on a holiday trip with his family. At that point of our relationship, he'd not been contacting the other women. Or maybe he did, an SMS or two but purely as friends. I have learnt to trust him because he'd grown up. He's a better person who I think deserves my trust after he'd proven to me that he's serious about us.

You may think this is a happily ever after. But no, I was not contented. He is a very introverted person and the 3 years we were together, he had me and I had him. There are no friends in our lives. I lost contacts with my secondary school buddies and I spent less time with my family. And vice versa for him. To add on, I have a very terrible temper. So terrible I think no one will be able to stand me. I started to realise that this is not healthy at all. We started to fight occasionally because of my short fuse. We fought over the biggest and tinnest issues. He couldn't stand my flaring up and I couldn't stop myself from flaring up. And these led to another obstacle. We nearly broke up after a cooling period of almost a month. But we got back together.

This was us last year during Christmas day, into the 4th year of our relationship. Look at me grinning like an idiot because I'm so happy that he's bring me to a buffet dinner in Swissotel. It was after our last big fight that everything just stabled. Everything falls right down into place. I started hanging out with my friends. I spend more time with my family. And in all these we still get to see each other almost everyday.

This is us now. Into our 5th year of our relationship. I'm glad to say he'd really changed alot for me, for our relationship. And I'm also ashamed to say that I'm still the same old same old. My temper is still bad. I don't know if it'd gotten any better since last time. This, you gotta ask him yourself. Most of the time he gives in when we quarrel or squabble.

Yesterday night when we were lying in our bed preparing to turn in, I asked him alot of 'What Ifs'. The answers he gave me were vague but I know he loves me. He's just not the kind of hopeless romantic guy. He won't tell me he loves me. But he shows me. And I kinda get the feeling that I don't deserve him and I told him and so I kick up a fuss and told him to go find other deserving girls out there. LOL. But I know he wouldn't and I don't want him to.

Simply because I love him. I often ask myself if he's the one for me and I believe the answer is very clear now. I never regret my decision to be with him and I never will.

I have found my Steven Gerrard and you know it's you.

Chor Lor-ed @ 1:22 PM

March 25, 2009

Confessions of a Shopaholic

This show is so much better than I thought! When I first saw the trailer, I NEVER intended to watch it. But it's very entertaining and humorous. I forgot when's the last time I've watched such a funny romantic comedy! Thanks to Raine and Nuffnang. =)

I thought after watching this show, I will more or less be more conservative when I'm shopping. But guess what? Right after the show, I happily walked into Guess at PS and thought I wouldn't get anything nice since I always thought Guess's bags and shoes are not my cup of tea. And then.......................................... I saw this beauty displayed on the top shelve. And......... I bloody hell bought it for S$159.90. Oh wells, I think I'll treat this as a reward for finally getting myself a new job and away from that hell hole. Hurray!! *congratulates myself* I think I'm pretty broke for the month. But you know, a girl needs a new bag now and then. *Excuses, excuses, excuses.....*

Haha. People of the world, I hereby presents my conquest of the day.

She's a beauty, isn't she? =)


Chor Lor-ed @ 7:48 AM